So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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