This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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