You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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