i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
