meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
