In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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