Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
