Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
