I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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