They should really pass out barf bags in church
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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