is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
