Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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