At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
