i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
