pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
