I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
