My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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