Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
