oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
