Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They have beer where we have blood.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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