Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
