Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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