Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
