Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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