So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
