So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
