I am spending my child support on dildos
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
