St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's always time for handjobs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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