I didn't shave. On purpose
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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