this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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