I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
