it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
