I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
