Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
