would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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