You're so nebulous sometimes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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