ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
