it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
