The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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