I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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