It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
