I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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