i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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