It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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