Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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