Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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