If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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