I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
