you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
