at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize