if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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