I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
