So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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