Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize