Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize