I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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