if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
