I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
