My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
