the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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