I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Terrible idea I love it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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