Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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