I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
