smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
