is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
