I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
