you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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