That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
