I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
